She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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