The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
