My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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