just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The uberlube is also flammable
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
