bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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