I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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