I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
