He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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