he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
