Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
