I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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