yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
