He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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