Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dignity is for republicans.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
