Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
