Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
