im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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