I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So many bounce houses so little time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
