If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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