We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
