I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
