I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
