New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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