just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
