I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
