What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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