I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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