if i died would you start the facebook group?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
