Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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