Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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