exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
