Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
