ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
