On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
