Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
