I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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