I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
