I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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