I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
