I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
