There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
love makes seman taste better
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
