The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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