I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
