??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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