3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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