I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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