...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
