Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
