I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
