I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
