He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
