Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
