Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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