Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
